


Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep

by seekrest



Series: It's Quiet Uptown [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Afterlife POV, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Peter Parker Found Peace, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 11:26:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19108705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: "Do not stand at my grave and weep,I am not there; I do not sleep."A perspective of Peter Parker's life, as told from the great beyond.





	Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep

Peter knows the moment it happens. The minute he stopped breathing in one world. When he started breathing in the next.

One minute he’s staring into Tony’s eyes – filled with tears, sadness, and an ache that Peter wishes he could make go away – and then the next, Peter is somewhere… else.

He blinks a few times. Tries to get his bearings.

He thinks he was in pain, just a second before – maybe a second, Peter can’t say.

But he doesn’t feel pain anymore.

Peter looks down, he's not in the Spider-Man suit anymore. He’s dressed comfortably, like any other day. He looks up and smiles.

“Ben?”

“Hey kiddo.”

* * *

Time doesn’t exist anymore.

It doesn’t need to.

Peter’s outside of it. Doesn’t need it.

He thinks back to the last day – he _thinks_ it was his last day – and talking to May about time. What it all really meant.

Peter doesn’t think much about time anymore.

He doesn’t have to.

There’s no need for time anymore.

* * *

It happens slowly, Peter thinks. The glimpses. The chances to see beyond, to see them. He asked Ben about it, wasn’t sure if he should.

“Is it… okay? For me to look back?”

Ben had only nodded, a warm smile on his face.

“Of course, Peter. We’ll be here, waiting for you.”

He looks past Ben, sees his parents. They smile, and Peter feels the rush of love between them.

Of course, they would wait for him.

Time didn’t exist anymore.

And Peter… he had a lot of people to say goodbye to.

* * *

He watches.

Always watching.

Peter isn’t alive. But he’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

* * *

 

_Do not stand at my grave and weep  
I am not there; I do not sleep._

 

* * *

 

Peter’s aware of Natasha walking to his grave. Watches as her silent footsteps eventually stop in front of his headstone. He sees as she places a hand to it, watches as the tears fall silently down her face.

A part of him wonders why she’s crying, another part of him knows exactly why.

He had always admired Black Widow – always thought they’d been thick as thieves if given the chance.

They won’t have that chance. But that’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

* * *

He sees Ned visit. Another time. Another day.

Peter watches as his best friend cries. Wishes he could tell him. He’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

Ned does so much in his life, Peter is so proud of him.

Some part of him thinks how great it would’ve been to have walked with him, to have lived a life right alongside his best friend.

But Peter can’t. He knows that. It’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

* * *

He sees Michelle. She comes to his grave sometimes, mostly to the memorial.

It makes him laugh, the memorial. Peter can’t quite grapple with the idea that people actually celebrate Spider-Man.

Or even, when they celebrate _him_.

More people visit. All the time. It’s baffling to Peter, in a good way.

He watches as Michelle leaves a picture of him, the memory of his crush blooming in his heart.

Michelle’s older now, walks hand in hand with a guy Peter doesn’t know.

If Peter was alive, he thinks he may have been jealous – the idea that Michelle is with someone else.

But he’s not. Alive. He knows this. He’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

He can only smile, watch as her hands intertwine with his.

Peter thinks in another life – he and Michelle would’ve been great together. Thinks that maybe, they would’ve had a great life together.

But Peter won’t be able to give that to her now.

Peter doesn’t have a life to live.

But Michelle does.

He’s glad she has someone to share it with.

* * *

 

_I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the diamond glints of snow,_

 

* * *

 

Captain America cried for him.

Peter’s not sure how to take that.

But he watches – watching, always watching – as Steve drives to New York, as he reunites with Tony Stark.

He sees the two of them, men crossed by so much time and distance, meet together once more.

Mr. Stark had been so sad.

Peter watched everything… but even he couldn’t bring himself to watch that.

But Steve Rogers is back in his life, is there for him when Peter can’t be.

He remembers how much hurt Mr. Stark had felt, vaguely thinks of what that had felt like. His last moments are hazy, incomplete.

But he can’t picture it, not really – not fully. Because he’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

But he does feel joy.

He’s glad that Mr. Stark has his friend back again.

* * *

 

_I am the sun on ripened grain,  
I am the gentle autumn rain._

 

* * *

Peter watches as Happy cries.

He wishes that he could be there for him, to tell him that he’s okay – that everything would be okay.

But even Peter knows – he knows a lot of things now – that it won’t ever be okay. Not for Happy. Not for where he is now.

He’s not alive. Won’t get to live the life Happy is crying for.

But it’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

He watches Happy and Colonel Rhodes – even _War Machine_ cries for him now – as they meet together. Laughs as they get drunk, Happy sharing memories about Peter.

If Peter could feel embarrassed, he almost would be.

But he doesn’t. He’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

He’s glad that Happy has someone like Colonel Rhodes, that after some time – was there time? Time didn’t exist for Peter anymore – that he has Mr. Stark back too.

Peter smiles.

It may not seem like it’ll be okay for Happy.

But Peter knows.

They’ll make it out okay.

Together. They’ll make it out okay.

* * *

 

_When you awaken in the morning’s hush  
I am the swift uplifting rush_

 

* * *

 

Peter is proud of May.

Ben joins him, when Peter watches May.

“Do you miss her?” Ben tilts his head.

“No. I will see her soon enough.” He sneaks a glance toward Peter, face lit up in a smile as Peter returns it.

Peter knows by now.

Time doesn’t exist anymore.

Soon. Later.

Words people use to describe time.

But when you are outside of it – when time doesn’t exist – these words lose their meaning.

He wishes he could tell May what he knows now. Wishes that he could be there for her.

But he can’t. And that’s okay. He’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

* * *

 

He laughs, watching Morgan. Smiles as she grows up.

Morgan is just as smart as her father, every bit as kind as her mother.

Peter didn’t used to know Pepper but now – watching her, watching Morgan, watching Mr. Stark – he’s glad that she’s there for them.

Morgan is the happiest baby he’s ever known, well – wishes he could’ve known.

But he does know her, he thinks. Peter watches her.

But he also watches Tony.

Laughs as Tony argues with Morgan. Laughs harder when Tony loses.

Tony is a good dad. Peter wishes he could tell him that.

He’s glad for Pepper, for Tony, for Morgan.

They’re happy together.

He catches Mr. Stark looking, watches as he gazes off into the distance.

If Peter could feel sadness, he would think that’s what passes over Mr. Stark’s face.

He wishes he could tell him that he’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

He’s just thankful, grateful, glad – just as Pepper is.

When Pepper tells him thank you, Peter knows she can’t hear him – but he answers all the same.

“Thank you Peter… for everything.”

Peter smiles.

“Of course.”

* * *

 

_Of quiet birds in circled flight.  
I am the soft stars that shine at night._

  

* * *

He watches as Flash finds out the truth, finds out the secret that Peter had carried with him to his grave.

He forgave Flash ages ago, forgave him when he was still alive.

As Flash talks to his daughter, holding back the tears, Peter wishes he could tell him that it’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

Most of all though, Peter wishes he could tell Flash that it’s okay. That he should forgive himself.

That Peter was proud to have known him too.

* * *

 

Mr. Delmar is growing old, it’s not long now.

Peter watches as he restocks the shelves. Smiling as he and Manny banter back and forth.

Delmar closes the shop now – same day every year.

If Peter could feel pain, he’d be sad for the reason why. But Carolina – she joins him sometimes – says that Delmar will be okay. It won’t be long now.

The soft smile between them.

They understand.

Carolina… Peter… they understand. It’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

* * *

He watches.

Always watching. Waiting. His parents are patient. Ben even more so. Peter doesn’t have to say what he’s waiting for. Who he’s waiting for.

They understand.

And then.

It happens.

May. She turns, eyes wide.

He smiles. Arms extended, open and waiting for her embrace.  

His heart could burst. There’s so much love, so much joy between them.

She smiles at him, holds him tight. Then turns to Ben.

They’re waiting for him, Peter knows it.

Waiting for Peter.

While Peter waits for him.

He knows he won’t be leaving – knows that he’ll see him later – _later? Was there later?_  - too.

But Ben, his parents – they all had waited for Peter. Had greeted him when he left.

He’d waited for May.

Peter had to wait for Tony too.

* * *

He's aware when it happens. Peter knows it. Feels it.

Tony’s time had come.

Time. What did it mean, to the infinite?

Peter remembers his last day, he thinks – the conversation he had with May.

What is time anyway, but a construct for those who cannot understand infinity?

But time – if it existed – had endings. There was an ending coming. A sort of ending.

Peter knew there weren’t endings anymore.

Peter is there, waiting for him. He can see it, feel it, as Tony closes his eyes. He wishes that he didn’t have to leave his family, wishes that Tony could stay.

So had Peter, in the end.

But Peter knows you cannot wish for what cannot be.

Peter isn’t alive. But he’s okay.

Peter is okay.

Peter doesn’t feel pain anymore.

Peter couldn’t change his ending. But now – knowing what he knows – he’s not sure if he would even want to. Not really. Not truly.

Especially when that ending wasn’t really the end.

Especially when it was really only the beginning.

* * *

Tony opens his eyes.

The light is everywhere, soft and illuminating. There is no pain.

Tony is okay.

Tony doesn’t feel pain anymore.

The smile he’d felt in the before, the memory of it already fading, is still softly on his lips.

Tony looks forward.

His eyes widen, the hope of a thousand lifetimes, the joy spilling out of him.

“Kid?”

.

.

.

.

“Hey Mr. Stark.”

* * *

 

_Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there; I did not die._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Almost two weeks since I posted the IQU finale and I couldn’t shake this idea… 
> 
> So many of you asked for an afterlife chapter and in the midst of all the sadness of ending the story and the real grief I had explored in writing it, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. 
> 
> And then still – almost two weeks later – this kept going over and over in my head.
> 
> IQU is a sad, reality-bound series – an exploration of what you have to do when you encounter a devastating loss. 
> 
> But this – I hope that this brings you comfort. Gives a small measure of hope. 
> 
> Do not “stand” at Peter’s grave and cry. He’s not there. He did not die. <3


End file.
